I daydream about those nights

I can imagine living in California forever. Having a car, driving myself around to beautiful and warm places at night. Frozen yogurt whenever I feel like it because it honestly would never get seriously that cold. Looking over the ocean and seeing a sunset. The Pacific Ocean. Disneyland, Santa Monica, San Diego, San Clemente. Rainbows, how will I ever live without my dear flip flops? That would be a rhetorical question because I honestly don't know. My toes will freeze anywhere else, they already kind of do. I don't know why I suddenly feel so attached to this place I want to escape. Is this like.. Stockholm's syndrome of the highest order? Ok. I guess not that extreme. But I've been filled with so much drive and motivation to get out of here for the longest time, to go see some sunrises, but now I realize that sunsets aren't that bad either.

Actually... I think this is that defense thing again. The fact that if I'm screwed over by calc, I'll have no choice BUT to stay here.. so I think my subconscious is trying to prepare me for that pain by like psyching it up for me. Rah, rah California. Not really. Ugh.