HOLLYWOODBOWL 2010

SO FAR
I AM GOING TO SEE
2PM
AND WONDERGIRLS
2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM 2PM

So. Olympics

I looove the Olympics. I guess:
APOLO ANTON OHNO <3 my favorite for 8 years nowwww
JR CELSKI QT PI i hope i get into berkeley just so i could possibly meet you
PATRICK CHAN i will be you fan for manyy years to come
LINDSEY VONNNNNN so much inspiration!

YEP

There is reason to smile again.

Walking towards the buses with my face down, probably narrowly walking into things because I'm pretty bad at texting while walking, and the subject of you came up and Mr Stevens, who I have never talked to before, commented on how big my smile was.
A few weeks ago
Walking with you
Renews my spirit

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT

i don't have anyone to blame but myself
i wish i were braver
i wish this whole pride crap didn't affect me
i wish i could have just had the audacity to say yes. i want to.
THIS ISN'T ANYONE ELSE'S FAULT.
i guess this is all just going to be a lesson that i have to learn to speak up.
it's never been a strong point of mine, but after .. this. and how odd i am feeling right now, i know that i can't let something like this ever, ever happen to me again. ever.

this reminds me of kaitlyn's articles about mixed feelings.
people would get what they wanted more often if only they'd ask. too bad it seems to be such a fucking foreign idea.
i'm sad

DARADIRIDARADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

CHINO HILLS TODAY.
WE'RE GOING TO WIN.
THAT IS ALL.

SCSCSC

No, not USC. Where a bunch of my friends have gotten scholarships and will probably end up. I didn't apply, which made my dad kind of mad. He's also mad that I didn't apply to any Ivies but then I know that if I did, my other applications would have been shaky. And I'm pretty confident in my essay quality. With the help of cxu at like 3am, I'm pretty sure that each one of my essays actually says something about me. I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now. I wrote one of my personal statements on nail polish and I guess that seems silly but that's my favorite one. I think I'll delete my college app folder after I find out my decisions because seeing little notices of failure on my hard drive is going to suck. So far, pretty much everyone I know has found out about Irvine.. and I haven't. I neurotically check multiple times a day but I've forced myself to limit myself to just one. As if that's not crazy either. I don't know why I digressed onto the subject matter of colleges. I guess it's just that easy. It's like, the one thing everyone in the class of 2010 has in common homg colleges and I'm kind of scared but being patient right now.
I saw Ms Barbour yesterday! She came back from England it was kind of exciting.
So yeah. SC. idk if it's an sc or I'm just too scared to actually like.. get into this kind of mess again. Mess? Maybe. It could be happyhappy but I think it's too late in the game to risk this kind of thing. And I have such a bad track record. And sometimes I feel like the girl in that poem we read in english the other day. It's called "Bitch" but we substitute it with "Cucumber" I feel like the cucumber. I feel too eager and clingy onto what happiness we've had together and I don't think I could ever be your priority, so I'll just be content with what it is. And it's so dumb right now. 4 months and I'm gone.
Time for practice/ valentine'sday/ pichu!

Closure

Months and months ago, I hoped and hoped for gov to make nationals. Because that means that it was right. And you can go, aww, don't say that, but that's what I needed to let go of any :/ kind of feelings that I've been feeling. And now that they made nationals, I'm so happy. Because there's no what-if's. I mean, there still is because I'm sure I would have been good too, but the fact is that, they're amazing without me and I needed to know that. So today is closure.. I'm happy and I can finally let go. I'm just a teensy bit bitter that I probably won't get to hang out with my friends for a while because they're going to be intensely studying for nationals, but now all I'm going to do is cheer them on with everything I've got. Because they've worked so hard lately and they deserve it. So that's my little deal of the day.
Oh, and SC's? I think there are two right now. It's fun. Except one I see every day and the other I rarely rarely see.

it's been a while

got my first acceptance letter today
UC riverside. which.. is kind of my last choice safety but it just felt so good to see CONGRATULATIONS, you have been accepted blahblahblah i don't know why i applied for that major but it's so nice.
and i'm taking that feeling and running with it.