Caterpillars.

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The story of the caterpillar can be summed up as such. From birth till an undisclosed time, the caterpillar eats. And eats and eats, everything in sight, all the time, for what? To roll himself into a cocoon, dark and moist, a time capsule of a different sort, a capsule of change. After a while, the caterpillar rips the cocoon from himself and emerges as something completely different-- a beautiful butterfly. Yes, yes, you nod. What's the point? We all know about how caterpillars turn into butterflies, how they are humble and rather ugly, creepy and crawly in the beginning but then go on to become something winged and extraordinary, the one insect that is not universally shrieked at. It's a thing of beauty, this transformation, it really is. And as we are so easily mesmerized by the beauty-filled flap of the butterfly wings, I have just one question for you. Does the caterpillar know that he is going to turn into a beautiful butterfly?

Think about it for a moment. Does the caterpillar think that it’s predetermined destiny is to simply eat until the end of time, and the things that happen afterwards, the cocoon, the evolution, is the caterpillar unaware of the transformation until he looks down at himself one day and realizes that he is no longer a measly worm-like thing? Or does the caterpillar eat and hold onto that will to survive, knowing that in the future, his life on the ground will be over soon and he will be granted wings to fly? Disregarding science and the development of insect brains, the life and changes of a caterpillar provide ample question and speculation, speculation that we can incorporate into our own lives. We are the caterpillars and our future selves our butterflies or perhaps just even larger caterpillars, as we wonder for sure whether we know what will happen then.

At the Musee Mechanique in San Francisco, there is a machine. “Steer the ship of your future!” it claimed, with dozens of future life options lit up before me. From pirate to doctor, it seemed everything was there, and I placed a quarter in. A moment later, “Nudist” flashed loudly before my eyes, my supposed destiny. I don’t know whether that’ll come true, but I do know that if that is my fate, then so be it. The caterpillar is a metaphor for us all, and we don’t know whether we’ll end up as butterflies or moths, so to speak, or whether we’ll remain forever a maggot. Caterpillars don’t know that they’re going to become butterflies and neither do we. The caterpillar strives to survive because the future is unknown, and only by clinging onto life can we even hope to see the potential beauty on the other side, in the future. All we can do is hope we find that cocoon of ours and perhaps we will blossom into something worth remembering during our short stint of life.

I love you baby nae nae naeyeojia.

Ok I promise I'm going to stop with these incessant San Francisco pictures and possibly take more? I don't know. I don't have time and I'm not very good. Finals are coming up soon. I am still failing calculus but I remain forever hopeful. I reallyreally hope that if I end up choosing to drop AP Calculus and just go into regular, that I am in Felicia's class. Because she's the only one I know in regular calculus. Ugh, I don't mean to sound pretentious and horrible, but I really don't like the environment of regular classes. There's this energy in AP/honors classes that has this like, motivation, this drive. That's also why I want to go to like, a better school for college because I need people around me to keep me motivated too. I know it's bad that I can't motivate myself, but since I know what works, I hope that life lets me keep doing things this way. And if I can't be in Felicia's class, pleasepleaseplease let me be in MattWang's class <# I guess out of the nextgeneration of Lee kids, I talk to him and Jonma and Melissa the most. Melissa doesn't even count though, because I see her in PowWow allllllll the time and we spazzzz about our Korean boys <3 It's good fun. I wish I were better at math.
Anyway, I'm completely failing at like, writing. This sounds like how I talk. I guess I don't want to talk how I write (not here) but I don't think I'm capable of writing the way I did last year. Ugh, please let my caterpillar article be the amazing article I've always wanted to write. We'll see!
Anyway. I got bored. And this was originally for Jane. Bopeepbopeepbopeepah! <3 Probably the most annoying/catchy song ever. Ok. I will do my homework now. Laters.

I told Seven the bartender that true love is felonious.
”Not if they’re over eighteen,” he said, shutting the till of the cash register.
By then the bar had become an appendage, a second torso holding up my fist. “You take someone’s breath away,” I stressed. “You rob them of the ability to utter a single word.” I tipped the neck of the empty liquor bottle toward him. “You steal a heart.”
”Sounds like a misdemeanor to me”
”No way,” I said. “Once you’re in, it’s for life.”

-- My Sister's Keeper

So. I'm setting goals for this, for myself. Because there's a purpose behind everything. The one behind this is that I can't confine myself to tumblr and it's kind of lost its magic for me. I still need somewhere to write, though. Though all of this, really, is contradictory because I really do feel the most at home with pen, on paper. Go figure. But I'm here. To write. And maybe share some pretty things but not overload. Thoughts, opinions, life. First.
1. I am going to properly capitalize. Maybe all my sentences won't be gramatically correct, but I'll try.
2. I am not going to be pretentious-sounding intentionally. I circumlocute sometimes and i realize that's probably annoying. Straight up words with commas, nothing that I'm not, stylistically.
3. I am going to experiment with my writing. Switch up my sentence variety a bit. I've gotten so used to hiding behind my sweeping long sentences where things just tend to get lost, commas sprinkled in throughout--too many, of course-- to the point where i don't know what I'm talking about any longer and I don't expect you to follow me in this nonsense.
That previous sentence would be an example of sorts.
4. I will refrain from summarizing. There are other ways and life is a lot more interesting analyzed.
5. I am Chinese and superstitious and can't have 4 things on a list. So, just throwing this out there. At the same time, insight.
I kind of wish I started like, trying to write intensely earlier. Maybe this will become a chore. I remember when I didn't even like writing. Maybe this will die out, maybe it will flourish. But for now, I'm tired and I've posted a lot.

If anyone even reads this. Few hours, don't expect much.