Lately, I've been thinking so strangely about the clouds & how they seem to slowly fade awaay.. yeah. omgah. No. Really. Since I went to San Francisco over winter break and like.. observed city life the way I wanted to live it, I've been thinking about my future. Not obsessively, I don't think. I would also like to take a moment to point out that I'm completely sideways while typing this. My bed, I am on it and my laptop is on the desk next to it and the are the same height. What an awkward positionnnnn. But yeah. It started off when we went to Alameda to drop some old lady off from the airport. Passed by Lum Elementary School and all these cute little shops and lovely little parks and cute houses, and I thought to myself, mm, what a nice place to raise my kids. And then I saw a couple pushing a stroller around Golden Gate Park and I thought that was so ideal. I remember being so against having children when I grew up, but I don't know, I guess, growing up? Growing some maternal instincts like for some of the underclassmen I've grown to care for dearly in a way that's beyond friendship. I know I can't protect them from everything but I try. Interesting fact.. on Compare People on fb, I'm currently voted 3rd best potential motherrr. Though I doubt I could ever really compare to Gunther or even my own real mommy. WHY DO I DIGRESS SO MUCH. But yeah. Aside from the whole family life that I am liking the idea of, I started thinking more and more about "ideal man" who used to be, with TLu, just "ideal boyfriend" and we talked about the things he would do. But I thought about the kind of person I would want him to be. And I thought about the guys I've liked and suchh (hi, i'm being vague) and the past and I'm sitll very not sure. I think I'll be continuously not sure until I meet him. I do know that.. He will need to put up with my incessant complaining and really strange ramblings/tangents/stories. I don't think that I really care for looks as much as I do for personality. Thinking back, there ahve been times where I completely disregarded a guy's looks... and it wasn't even like a one time fluke or anything like that. I don't think I've ever like.. sincerely liked a guy because of looks before. I don't count K-Pop stars because it's not real. Except for Tablo. He's the exception, I'm the rule? I don't know.
... What was the point of all this again?
Tomorrow I am going to get up early. I will paint a little constellation on my fingertips and maybe I'll expose myself as a Cassie and throw a little DBSK love into it all even though I'm planning on blue. Please don't break up, guys. My life would be unspeakably different without them, without k-pop. sigh. I am going to somehow, I'm not sure how, write two paragraphs of my Beloved essay. I'm going to finish my gov note book in its entirety. I am going to somehow decipher this chapter of calculus. Indeed. I'm tired. I don't want to sleeeeeeeeeeep. Feels like insomnia, even though I was narcolepsy last year. Goodbye.